“Shame is an intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging—something we've experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection” (Brown, 2013).
Have you been made to believe that your ethnic identity, heritage, race or cultural background is
inadequate and not fit for purpose and that your centuries of practices are inhumane and don't match Western ideas of what is good and great?
Ethnic shame refers to feelings of embarrassment, inadequacy, or discomfort related to one’s culture, race, heritage and ethnic background.
Mary is a proud, intelligent, beautiful black woman, but when amidst her European counterparts, she carries this shame, which is derived from societal discrimination, stereotypes, historical trauma, or cultural marginalisation, with her ethnicity being devalued or misrepresented by the very people who are her colleagues and acclaimed friends. Mary feels she is not good enough and works extra hard to compensate for her internalised inadequacy.
Mary's hair and accent don’t fit the image; she spends hours straightening her hair and fortune buying wigs so that she doesn’t get singled out in that meeting with yet another joke about her hair. Her beautiful Zimbabwean accent is disappearing because she has to sound like Linda to keep her job. She finds herself countless times apologising for her accent. Tom from Liverpool, Sarah from Ireland and Peter from Scotland never do and don't get asked to speak clearly, even though Mary speaks better English and has more advanced qualifications than they do.
The continuous repeat of these experiences leads Mary to suffer from:
• Identity Struggles: Difficulty reconciling personal and ethnic identities.
• Cultural Disconnect: A sense of detachment from one’s heritage.
• Mental Health Issues: Anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem tied to identity.
• Generational Impact: Shame can be passed down through families, especially if parents discourage cultural practices to shield children from discrimination.
To overcome ethnicity shame, we need:
1. Education and Awareness: Learning about one’s history, culture, and achievements can foster pride.
2. Community Support: Connecting with others from the same ethnic background can provide validation and a sense of belonging.
3. Challenging Stereotypes: Speaking out against harmful narratives and celebrating diversity.
4. Cultural Revival: Embracing traditions, language, and customs to strengthen ethnic identity.
5. Therapeutic Support: Addressing internalised shame and trauma with a counsellor or support group.
Ethnic shame is a deeply personal and societal issue that pierces deeply into a person’s soul, leaving that pain of not belonging or not being good enough to belong. However, it can sometimes be transformed into a source of resilience and pride with effort overtime.
Comments